Today will be Litmus Test

Tonight will be the test for my mind and brain.
I am going to Newark airport and the same surroundings and familiar vicinty will come back in my brain. The anchoring will play it's role. However I think this time it will be okay and not extreme push back because I know this already and it's for the betterment of all.

This 'Sher' is Deep.

Hum Dua Likhtay Rahay, Woh Dagha Parthay Rahay

Ik Nuktay nay Humain Mehram say Mujhram Kar Diya

Weeky Gratitude July 02-09, 2018

MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY and FRIDAY.

This week has been head over heels and all the time in managing things to furnish and trying to drink from the fire hose. Things are going to calm down eventually. Thanks to Ms. JH for helping out and taking big step in unpacking stuff. The investment already started to work out but management part has increased. So much laziness has come over me to do basic accountability chores and accounting chores. My sleep needs to get better to be more productive. I am writing it down now. This week will be better. 

Weekly Gratitude June 25-July 01,2018

This week was not a lot  occupied at start but got overloaded in the middle at the end was way too much.

MONDAY

• Started the week with usual false promises to myself that I will wake up and go for a run but when you sleep at 3 am how can you wake up at 6 am and go for a run as well? :(
• If you start out your day in bed with a smartphone next to yourself, you are bound to get your life out of control. Monday was spent in responding to emails and work commitments upon waking up. 
• No miracles on Monday but was another reminder that will power is limited and systems and psychology always win. 

TUESDAY

• Tuesday was supposed to be a  busy day and specially for getting ready to prepare for Wednesday.
• Tuesday I started another renovation project as well in the current habitat, trying to envision another private entrance bedroom suite, currently it will cost me around $5000+ :( for see it happening but since I have been wondering about it for years. It is better to get it done. 
• In order to overcome the inconvenience, present guests were going through I did the right thing and paid them back for their stay...for sure they appreciated the right thing done to them. :)  
• Tuesday was PUSH day so I am glad at least I am getting back in routine and getting a better shape for myself or others. :|
• As I was on PTO on Wednesday so I had to catch up on a lot of emails and other work to be finished before I could take the day off. 
• At the end of the day I realized that what is not set in stone on calendar never gets done. Anyways I powered through the day in order to get ready for a new beginning in my life on Wednesday. 

WEDNESDAY

• This past Wednesday was supposed to be a validation Wednesday because I got the official opportunity to teach and train at world's largest organization of technical professionals
• This platform alone has brought a lot more opportunities to me already, thanks to Almighty. 

• People who were skeptical of me reached out themselves as I could see the principles of persuasion working in the form of social proof already. 
• I am supposed to be the least educated person on this platform but still I am rubbing shoulders with other top notch researches :| :O  , Kind of unbelievable, all His Grace and mercy.
• The class went well and got done with celebration as well for this opportunity. Thanks to my NEW GAME getting better and new people I am meeting. 

THURSDAY 

• Thursday was another day to catch up on regular work routines and pending tasks from Wednesday PTO.
• I need to get out of my regular lazy and procrastinating work style and need to be more pro-active on managing things, this is a constant reminder I am learning about myself. 
• Thursday was PULL day but I did not feel much muscle soreness up until Saturday, but it was just a little. 
• Thursday evening couples message was a nice gesture by good friend especially after they paid top dollar for the service. Thank you for the good pay back. 
• Post mid-night Mexican restaurant in a ghetto area was another good experience to add to the list when you hit late night rounds to satisfy your hunger.

FRIDAY 

• Friday was crazy busy but I powered through it. 
• This was one of the Fridays where I technically got 3 houses owner but on paper work I only own 2 houses. 
• I am okay with the decision to push through and compensate for the lost 3 years when I was in school full time and could not invest more. 
• Friday after second new house closing and getting keys, I wanted to make trips and get most major things done. I am glad that major things went as planned. 
• Friday flew by fast and when in the afternoon I had to go see Mr. Anderson as he checked out from the hospital. 
• Friday was a power day and I was drained after eating that Mexican grilled liver for dinner. I didn't feel good after that and specially they did not put spices on it at all. Not happy and not returning again to the same restaurant. 

SATURDAY

• Spent the whole Saturday shopping around for estate sales and getting deals to furnish the new place and put it back on the market. 
• Soon realized after spending 6+ hours that best deals are already on Amazon so did what I should have done already.
• Got tired and frustrated and ended Saturday half asleep

SUNDAY

• Got some good deals on Sofas and happy about it. 
• Sunday was leg day so now I will learn what happens to my testosterone level in the coming days and also how great I will feel once I sleep tonight :)
• Spend the day contemplating about other side projects for which deadline is approaching, so responded them by email and going to start the week with a bang. Amen.

ANALYSIS

My observation about my lack of consistency is that I don't document things and I don't buy accountability.  Putting things locking down in my calendar and buying accountability can push me through and I can get more done rather than sitting alone in my place and watching YouTube instead of doing work.

Secondly venturing out to coffee shops can help me do remote work but then after some hours that coffee shop soon becomes boring so I need to venture out to new coffee shops. I can do that.


Enough of said and analysis done. Time to do some more things now. GAME ON.

Upon Waking Up

As I get older day by day .... I learn that subconsciously how much I have admired the qualities of people who don't exist anymore in my life.
Even if I want them in my life either they do not exist anymore physically in this world and others who are here choose not be with me anymore.

In either case, the point is love is not constant and hope is never ending.  When someone passes away we put our hopes of meeting them in the next world in order to make ourselves feel better.
When someone chooses not to be with you.  It is a moment of being thankfulness because they are teaching you that everything is fleeting and on top of that they are validating the fact that no one cares for you but about their own well being and why not.

We all have selfish genes from evolution. Some have more like myself others have less and conditioned like late Mother Teresa

Still the humanistic and love virus in our mind and body creeps in and we still look towards lost people with optimism and good faith. 

I wonder how life would have been if I would have grown up in a balance family. Would my responsibilities still have been the same or different. Would I have focused more on others rather myself. Would I have had more generous heart than what it is or vice versa.

Would I have had more compassion and kindness or more greed.

As I decide my life directions on these cross roads where the road I set on my journey is reaching it's destination. These questions still remain unanswered.

It's time for me to start with the basics, no talk just actions.

Will the roads of new again but old as a soul of a city will keep me motivated to manage multiple things even as a nomad.  When people look up to you as a leader and you don't have all the answers.... What do you do?

It would be nice if you were with me on this journey but in case if you were with me in the first place.... It would have been a destination already not a journey anymore.

Until next time.

June 27, 2018 from a mid night wake up situation and pen it down. 

Raw Thoughts on Career, What you learn in a decade and being brutally Honest!!!

Just like in a bar on Friday night over drinks you end up spilling all the secrets of your life and talk as YOU are.

On a reunion trip to East coast with alma-mater friends, we all shared what matters to us and how we think differently.

I think our experiences make us who we are. The moment people hear your opinion and it is different from rest of the world...TWO THINGS happen.

1. 1st. People get uncomfortable
2. 2nd. They wants you to be vanilla. 

The moment you become vanilla they abandon you.

You have your own voice and your own world view. You have your own goals and following those goals is the key to be yourself.

If I have a backbone, I can disagree and commit ...that's what makes you different than me.

Life of Sin and Nostalgia

I think music does not get enough credit and importance in our lives like food, water, shelter etc. If  I look back there have been certain times in my life good and bad where music was the only source of motivation and inspiration. There are certain music and themes which have been associated with certain tough times in my life as a child.

I remember certain songs even when they play on radio, the whole scene of my childhood and tragedies play in front of me. Similarly certain songs and instrumentals when I get to hear them they take me back to my journey for the last 15+ years while I am living on my own. 

I discovered 'Mr Suicide Sheep' 3 years ago. During 1st year of discovering the electronic music on Spotify,  these instrumental became a repeat on my playlist.  There are certain selected tracks which are all time favorite.

Every time I listen to those tracks I take a trip back to late 2015 era and on wards. I start visualizing Riverside drive, Riverchase, Arkansas river......... those long runs and cycling. The thoughts of scary future come flooding into my mind. The trips from Oral Roberts University to 81st drive and look at the sky from balcony.

I remember all that, nostalgia is still strong with all those good and challenging days.  I used to do at the end of certain days. When I listen to those tracks ...... I still remember making the decision to leave everything behind in Dallas and moving to Tulsa all of a sudden. I still don't remember why or how I was able to pull that decision so quickly...but the burden and anxiety was so strong that I wanted to get out of my corporate slavery routine.
Years down the road I can understand happiness within thyself is the key to happiness around you, not matter you are in big or smaller city.

Thank you Mitis - Life Of Sin  for giving some vague meaning to those moments of despair and stress.