Goodbye to your feelings.....

I came to NYC for the first time in 2009. A lot has been written, said and done about this concrete jungle island. Prior to that visit, I never realized how this trip will change me and my personality later in life at the expense of various ups and downs. For all the good or bad reasons whatever may be the case. 

The person who was generous enough to show me around became much more than what I say --- all the more reasons for me to visit here in the later years.  Little did I know if I am associating the city with this personality,  or that person with the city or both. My self-taught psychology analysis could be wrong however, I associated and anchored my happiness in this city with the same person every time. 

After that first trip, I always found more reasons to come back to NYC (not as much as I could have or should have) to visit this person or just for the excuse of business as usual. I continued to associate the feelings of being on cloud nine, soft tender thoughts, happiness, and joy with this city all because of anchoring with the person 

I continued to visit this concrete jungle. Every time my association with the city and this person grew stronger and stronger. From the airport surroundings to the subways, from walking on the streets to several hours arguing together. Everything formed a strong attachment. I always knew there is someone waiting for me. 

The association did not fade away but let's just say I did not handle things ideally and that is that, not to mention the fact that out of sight equals out of mind.   

Enough said. A lot has been said and done in the recent years.

I did not realize until this week, how strong deep down this attachment and anchoring was? This week I decided to visit NYC in order to get out of my non-productive schedule, get a head start on my writing. 

To my surprise the moment I landed everything felt incomplete from the surrounding of the airports to the landmarks here. My eyes kept on searching, my heart wishing silently if only by mistake or on account of mere movement of stars a fortunate co-incident occurs so that I can get to see them at least one more time. 

The city is the same, nothing has changed except my reality. I looked for someone my mind has anchored this lively city with. 

I asked the city, 

" Why I don't feel the same way anymore?"  

She replied, 

" Good bye to your feelings, you are not the same person anymore."