It's time to hit flash back.
A decade has passed by (not so quickly). Everything has changed and when I say a lot yes A LOT Has changed. I have changed, I changed the people around me. I made more mistakes, hurt more people, helped more people and slept less.
10 Years ago in 2008, I was fortunate to be given a bus pass. I could use it to go anywhere. I decide to opt for the final stop. No it was not a non-stop bus, instead it stopped at every nook and corner so that people can board the bus and bored people can get off.
I decide to board the bus early enough to get to my destination as soon as I can.
Young and naive I didn't know anyone, however to my surprise there were other young and energetic people already on the bus as well. I reached out and one special person helped me board the bus by holding my hand. Once I was on the bus it was obvious I should say 'thanks' to the special person and show my courtesy + regards.
Without any surprise I realized, we both were destined towards the same destination ---- The Last Stop. Unaware of what the future holds and the journey is long. We kept on striking conversations everyday, day after day everyday. Every morning and then every evening....... the routine continued.......
It's nice to have someone to talk to on a lonely journey but this delicate journey of bus ride was tricky.
You see my goal was to get to the destination ASAP. While the bus stopped at various local destinations, where some people left already and new people boarded the bus.
Fortunately, my bus companion and myself had the same destination. So I was fortunate and relived throughout the early part of my journey. Early part of the journey was exciting full of honeymoon stage(s) and fun. This journey seemed to be the part and parcel of my life initially and I started to get comfortable with it.
This comfort grew into likeness, likeness into attraction which transformed into attachment. We were still in the bus ride heading to our respective destination(s). Young and crazy we thought this is our world and the bus ride was our world view.
We played hide and seek in the same world view for 5+ years until I decided to venture out and see the outside world and get real. I took a temporary exit at the next stop, off the bus I wanted to explore the real world, in order to earn some pocket money and pay for my remaining bus ride I decided to stay out of the bus ride for a while.
Seeing me out of the bus my companion also decide to venture out and followed me. Upon meeting the companion outside I inquired, " Why aren't you on the bus?" Companion replied, " I would rather be with you than on the bus "
I never imagined to hear this response. I tried to convince the companion you need to get on the bus and continue your journey, don't worry about me. I will be fine. I will meet you one day . I will meet you at the final destination. I promise I will meet you at the final destination. Regardless of whatever I said the companion did not listen.
You see the problem for me with situations like this is, you really don't know your own existence until you find your path and reach your destination. Call it lack of maturity of not being happy with yourself. Personally, I did not find myself happy without destination so how could I make someone else happy?
Call it arrogance or wisdom, I do not care if you have to be nice to someone just for the sake of niceness. It is better to be real with your companion even for a short time rather being fake for a life. Life is short and tomorrow may not happen for me.
After habitual back and forth arguments I decided to go my own way, took another bus heading towards my destination, while my companion headed back to their own journey.
Over the years we met at different bus stops to see if we can get back in the same bus again. I said no and decided it is better to get your own bus once you reach the destination and I continued my journey alone.
Couple of weeks ago I reached my destination by passing through hula hoops of all kinds. During this decade long journey I made a lot of mistakes, put a lot of things at risk, broke hearts, disobeyed elders, broke rules but above all I followed what I had to do. Even though it seems I am alone at my destination. But the reality is I am happy. Very Happy. I am happy as hell.
My learning lesson throughout all these years is simple. If you are not being yourself and not happy with yourself. You cannot feel confident in your achievements, there is no way you can provide someone else any happiness and that is the plain brutal truth. If I don't see light of the day tomorrow ----- that is okay. Still I will be more content with what I did and the way I lived rather living in regret everyday.
The journey is not easy nor painful, but it is about eventually realizing and learning what do you want out of your life.
Can you really be happy with yourself before you can make anyone else happy.
Rest is all fluff and fluff does not matter.
The ones I met on this journey are not here with me, but I am sure they are happy wherever they are today. And whoever they have found. If they are happy I am 110% more happy for them. This is what matters ultimately and all the best wishes for being a grown up.
The physical proof is evident above. :) Back in August 2008 , my face was not even balanced when I boarded the bus. Last week when 2018 picture is taken even though its later part of life I express more joy and happiness. It still seems better and balanced than being naive and innocent.
Rest you can be the judge !!!
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