Re: I love me

I read and attend several sermons lectures by Cpt Chris Plenkenpaul.

It was very interesting, he said people love themselves first..and they should say I love me rather I love you to the other person.

Because in reality when someone loves someone they feel so much high, passion and butterflies about that special someone that it gives them special Endorphin pleasure. So in reality they are enjoying the pleasure and attachment of being with that person.

It is precieved as if they love the other person. But in reality they are loving themselves first.

This concept is not very pop culture oriented and a lot of people specially snow flakes feel offended​ by this concept.

However in reality when you cannot love yourself first how can you live Someone else?

If you say to the other person I love me. What it means is that you are saying that you love the other person just like yourself. Like you love yourself and your body.

According to Selfish Gene theory we all want to take care of our needs and ourselves first for survival. And there is nothing wrong with it.

Marketing and media has sold this concept in twisted way such as NoteBook and other romantic comedies movies .

In real its loving yourself first.

Re: Dear Zindagi

Last night I watched an year old movie Dear Zindagi. It's a good movie and I would recommend you if you are reading this to watch it as well. The director of the movie did an excellent job as in her past films and earned a token of praise from the viewers.

My review is as follows.

1. Direction 10/10
2. Screenplay 9/10
3. Story and plot 8/10

 Maybe you have watched it already. After watching the movie, you will realize that the main character has a lot of similarities and insecurities like you have in your life and personality.

Also, I learned that the way psychologist treats his patient. I have experienced similar approach from another well know behavior analyst as well. This brings me to the conclusion, people just preach what they read and believe rather bringing something innovative in their thinking.

Now you can go and figure out what characteristics and insecurities you have which the character in the movie also portrayed. 

Influence express itself in different ways

Couple of years ago a Bollywood movie Kal Ho Na Ho was released. It was considered a huge block buster and it did well business both for celebrities and for the viewers + investors too.

In addition the movie left its influence on youth as well. Some youth who have no ambitions of their own (:D)  they got inspired by the movie and followed and imitated the movie in different ways. That's how influence expresses itself in the minds of the youth as well.

For example some young girls started wearing glasses like the actress in the movie as well.

Well, everyone has their own life to live and get influenced independently 

Re: Using Convenient Mix for Cooking

I have a question on my mind. The question goes like this. How do we measure the cooking skills of a person in today's day and age. Using convenient mix to cook specialty dishes such as cake, or baking chicken, turkey etc. does that count?
Even if people do not know how to make one with original preparation and handwork.

I think the answer is simple with the industrialization and advent nuclear family concept. Lives have become so busy and soft. Industry sectors have taken full advantage of this state of the society and have offered the convenience of cooking food or semi-cooked food.

They know the behavior of consumer. The joy you get by cooking a dish is actually the same as the joy you get as a result of working hard.  The consumer feels happy even by mixing the cake mix or baking the meat, virtually feeling as if they did the complete job.

 It is acceptable as at the end of the day consumers are happy for the convenience and manufactures are happy that their product is improving the lives of consumers.

The point to consider is: Is there an irony here?

Re: Winter Weather Shoe Swag

Some people are obsessed with shoes, they want to feel #rugged #empowered #unique
People can have different ways

Such as doing Yoga
Meditation
Showing their obsession with Twitter
Drinking lots of tea
Etc.
Etc.


One way to show winter weather swag is by showing fancy boots. This can also be one of the way struggling international students with high hopes, aspirations and lots of responsibilities to themselves, families and society can do. They can get their high by showing their boot game.

I think that is a good outlet to feel empowered in a little way. #ShoeSwag

Raindrops

 Someone introduced me to this song and the movie as well. They claimed it was one of their favorites. So I thought to enjoy the song once again.

Re: Motivation

The society wants you to act a certain way. They want you to fit the norm which is called consistency so that they can trust you and consider you as a reliable person. I get that and  that's how we are all trained to think in a certain way.

We are trained to put people in boxes such as:

He is sincere.
She is careful.
He is mad.
She is pretty.
He is so bad person etc. etc.

When we don't find fault in someone's​ behavior we tend to find a fault in character or our personal experience with that person.

I wish I was created as a saint with DNA of an Angel. Maybe Almighty Has some other plans for me.
I struggle to prioritize.,...... to fulfill the plans of the one who created me or to please People who think my inconsistency​ aggravates them.

If you are reading this #YouBeTheJudge

Re: Watch the art work

Rather than throwing dirt at people and trying to prove that they are mentally ill. Some people need to take a chill pill and enjoy Casey Neistat's videos. How many challenges life has thrown at him but he is always facing them rather than avoiding them or throwing dirt at people.

Watch in this sequence as 1, 2 and 3 and relax rather than keeping grudges in your heart.


1. A Love Story 8 Years in the Making


2. My Girlfriend Candice


3. She's not my Girlfriend Anymore

Movie 1: 

Movie 2: 

Movie 3: 

Re: Personal right and Personal Desire

People have confused their personal desire with love. What is Love? Love is the act of sacrifice what you would do for someone in need. If you love someone you don't do the same things they don't want you to do.  Some people think they can exercise their personal human right to call anyone at any time. At they same time they can call they love them. In short they just want to live life on their own terms without understanding the context. Everyone has right to follow their intuition. However following and doing acts to make yourself feel better to proof yourself that you are offering empowerment to others by calling them while claiming your love for others is a selfish act.
It is true in order to be selfless one has to be selfish first. However, the first person who gets run over by your selfish act will never see your self-less acts because it was for your own favor alone.

Re: Happiness

Our brain is a comparator it keeps on comparing all the time. If other people seem to be happier than you, it will declare that you are unhappy and vice versa. The real question to ask is what is happiness? Is it a certain state of mind or feeling of getting fulfilled by the things we desire? Behavioral research shows that people who have money are happier on average than people who are poor.  Is that indicative of people who have money are more authoritative in terms of getting things done or buying them which will make them happy? Maybe so.

So next time, when someone tells you 'Moral of the story is: We are never happy when others are happy. " You need to tell them to make enough money to get the things you want in life. When more happiness is not bad, then why more money is considered bad in the society? Because that's how people are trained in a wrong mindset. 

A special prize for who guess it?

I have a special prize for anyone who can tell me the significance of this TED talk. Everyone has a right to speak their voice I thought was it a witty talk or TED talk or anything else?

Who can guess?

What's your Definition?

"It makes me puke first, then laughs then kill myself when I see people around me playing the victim card one way or the other. Sometimes on social media, then on Twitter, then on LinkedIn, later on, Instagram and on and on...."

Yes, those were my thoughts couple of years ago...when I did not have a clue why people do the things they do or the way they do it. With time and again + getting older I have realized its no one else's fault if you are not getting the results you want out of life. I used to blame other people and yes I agree we all have influences in our lives and choices we make about giving someone the ability and power to do those things to us.
In hindsight, if you are reading this and struggling with the same. I think following are the reasons why people don't get what they want from their circumstances.


1- Your words don't map to your actions:
People can say all things to themselves, they can tell how awesome and dedicated they are. How other people have played them. They would never go down to admit that their words would never map to their actions. I am a culprit of not going after my word and taking action on it. When our actions start mapping according to what we say to ourselves and what we believe in our heart. Something amazing starts to happen which is called success.

2- Your desire to have Downward and Upward social comparison:
Ever wondered why people like reality TV and movies?  It could be a number of factors escapism, time pass, food for thought etc. One of the reason is as psychologists say we like to have a downward social comparison when people do bad things or make mistakes and we conveniently tell ourselves, " Oh that is so dumb. I would never do that etc. etc. ". It is easy to feel bad for someone in other parts of the world and criticize the politicians or the system, as its all very convenient to Tweet about it. But the question we should ask ourselves is. Am I ready to be in the shoes of this leader or this president etc?

3- Your Definition of Love

A lot of people complain about not getting the results they want to have in their love life. When you ask them to define love. They are speechless because they don't know. They just want to follow the crowds with herd mentality and feel better in society.
If your definition of love is.
Love = Desire of being desirable?
You are doing it all wrong.  It's easy to get influenced by movies such as NoteBook or all the escapism and Titanic romance which is sold in the world. If that's what anyone wants to do with their that's great. All good for them.
However, when the same person gets up so wrapped in their claim that they love someone no matter what and ends up treason them. They even attempt all kinds of defaming or punishing tactics to people they claim they love when they don't achieve worldly success as they have seen in movies. in eyes of the world. The reality and real motive of their influence and fluffy ideals in life become evident. 

4- You think your current circumstances are not favorable to you


I don't feel there is a need to explain point # 4. However, the above views are a reinforcement for me to analyze my own behavior. Map my actions to my words and not to complain.  That is the only way to improve oneself and go-forward.  We live in a world where ambitions are given much more respect and weight than the results and real execution. However the later is the real truth which bring results.

Holier than Thou

Some people are so self-wrapped in their righteousness that they keep on blaming other individuals as if they are so disturbed on account of someone else's cheating and other ugly behaviors. On the other hand, they keep judgment, hypocrisy and lie and doing all kinds of hanky-panky such as calling other people even when they should not and trying to do things behind the back when they know that those things are going to cause conflicts. Its easy to play victim card. It is very very easy to throw a tantrum and behave as all the unjust in the word has been done to you. It is easy to call that men are bad in the world and you are #speechless
But you know what is the most important thing in the world? The most important thing in the world is to admit that it can be your fault as well. It can be your own habits as well. But it takes guts and courage to look at yourself in the mirror and at your own habits which apparently may seem naive and non-threating but can be really bizarre. However, it easy to act, " Holier than thou" and point fingers at other and keep on playing a victim. 

Endorphin Boost

Lesson to self....Learn to get endorphin boost by working out, running or getting active rather than sharing your life on social media Twitter, LinkedIn, Insta etc.

Endorphin rush received the proper way will help people retain happiness and satisfaction longer.

Re: Guilty me or Guilty them!!

Just read a partial traumatic incident from someone who experienced harassment first hand. I would feel sad and sorry about the experience they had to go through. However, who is to blame for the experience?
I think a natural human response is to feel victimized and blame the society on training your mindset and mentality. On another note, blaming the person doing this seems to be a plausible action as well.

All in all, some people assume they know better about the nature of people and their behavior than others. They consider themselves smart by reading and studying behavior academically. Does it help in judging a person in real life as well?
 However, having a better emotional IQ and social awareness goes a long way in judging a person in one sitting and one go rather than experiencing these incidents + sharing what happened to you with rest of the world ---all for the sake of attention and sympathies so that you can console yourself how bad people are out there in the world and how innocent and naive you are yourself?

What happens to someone for the first time is naiveness you are not to be blamed, however, if the same incident happens a second time it is your own mistake to let it happen again and own it.

El Adobe Mexican Grill

Tonight I traveled to Dallas from Tulsa to attend a business offering and suppliers networking event. I applied for the event last year and forgot. Then I got reminded of it in summer to apply again to be included for an official invite-only exclusive email to come and meet in order show my agency (your) expertise in terms of what can you offer as a company to big players such as Cisco, AT&T, PepsiCo, Ericsson Etc.

I have never been to such an even before nor did I expect to recieve an invite. But for some reason I did , not sure how. So in a rush to reach here. I had to get a couple of portfolio printouts and my offering documents included to be printed last night.

The event will include 400-500 people all across the globe coming to tell corporates that they can offer the same quality and better margins to be chosen as the official supplier for these big corporates.
I am paralyzed at the thought of what to say about my a 1- person agency offering :|  :(

I felt desperate and paralyzed this morning where I could not feel positive about myself. But still, I am taking a chance. I am more thinking about the opportunity and sunk costs which I may have to deal with if nothing positive comes out of it.

After driving 4+ hours back to Dallas, on the way I stopped at a famous little place where I stopped for the first time on my way to AABA conference in Chicago.

What was that place? See it yourself..

Last time with a "companion" salsa was more chunky and tortilla chips were hot and tasty. Tonight chips were cold and Salsa was still the same.

When life is cold and circumstances around you are putting you down. You just have to accept it and keep pushing forward. Even though the tortilla chips are stale and the food did not taste the same.......don't see the hope of getting a contract but I am still pushing on to get myself out of this spiral to get the resources which can help me to get back on my feet and then get back to the same place with the same companion and get warm tortilla and chunky salsa + with the same companion on way to another AABA conference and another long drive one day. I hope one day or maybe it becomes a fiction if not reality.

Some experiences are for the first time

I know a guy who had an experience for the first time which made him complete this past Sunday evening. Right after a day later on Tuesday evening he was craving for something which can make him forget his memory.
Suddenly it occurred to him, that conventionally alcohol has been the cause of forgetting for a lot of artists, creatives, and the likes as portrayed in the media. Will he get redeemed merely trying the alcohol distraction in order to move on with life?

On a second thought, he realized. No this is not who he is. Not that he is against alcohol. But this attitude of acting like a snowflake and victim is not good for him. 

Expecting and Accepting

When life is going through rough times my mother sent me a message this morning.

" Expecting and Accepting are two sides of life where expecting ends in Tears, while accepting makes you cheer. Accept life the way it comes..." 

She did not write it herself probably forwarded it. But telepathy is so true. It works in a timely manner.  Messages comes from people closer to us at the right time and in the right place,even when we are not expecting them. I needed to hear this

A better destiny for you

Sometimes we force ourselves to make decisions, which apparently may upset near and dear ones in the short term but they bring in real happiness and joy in the long term.

I wonder forcing myself on to someone just because I am emotional may not do good to either party in the long run. Why do I say that..? Because I know myself, I know mine below average lifestyle versus dreaming of clouds and better living humans in real life.

No matter, how good I may feel in short-term. The long-term patience will bring all the cards I have played in my life in front of the two of us. At that time it will be too late to make any positive impact to promote any change in my own behavior.

That person is too good, honest and sincere to me that I don't deserve it. While I do not have the same gist and habit or behavior to reciprocate and offer in the same manner.

Being happy on my jackpot lottery will be easy to be glad about and thankful for. However, at the end of the day, does jackpot deserve me???  Knowing all about me and what I have done. Would I prefer any jackpot to be in my favor?

If I know my past behavior and deeds...The answer is simple...to be silent and let the better person find its better destiny rather than I be a barrier in their goals. 

Everyday!!!

Every day you try to hide your feelings and then at the same time you try to remind you of your feelings. Every day you try to let go of your feelings and every day at the same time you want to enjoy the pleasure and the pain you have in these feelings.

Every day you think things will change and every day you realize that they are getting more stronger. Every day you realize maybe you are turning into a person or getting used to living in this lifestyle with this feeling.

Every day you feel optimistic, everyday you feel pessimistic. Every day you try to look from a third person's eye and everyday you feel what you lost and everyday you feel what you're going to gain through all this feeling.

Every day you think that you have been free and every day you realize no it is the real Freedom which has caught the bug in you. Every day you realize how much invested you were, and everyday you realize how much of a person you have become?

Every day you realize tomorrow things will change and every day you do the same what you did yesterday. Every day you did not feel the same for them but now every day you do feel the same which is a strange truth in itself.

Every day you - yes I am talking to you not me....Yes, you know you read this and every day I read that.  How long are we going to continue this every day?

Scene 1 + SCENE 1.5 + SCENE 2

He is thinking while staring at his computer screen, " She looks gorgeous while so graceful and bubbly at the same time"
Whereas I don't feel a good match for her. Should I let it go? Yes,  Let's forget it.

He forces his attention on other fluff stuff. 10 minutes past, still....But gets reminded another 10

minutes later. It's his one and only chance. Will thinking too much help? No. Taking action will.

"But we don't have anything in common?", He asks himself.

Then tells himself, I may be broke apparently but not poor mentally.

Then a light bulb moment appears, " What if we would have gone to the same school together? But that won't help because there is no curiosity. But what if we never met each other, but still went to the same school..."


Closing his eyes for 10 minutes. He gathers courage and writes something on the wall which is going to bring them a couple of times again in conversation.

Curtain closes until Scene 2 appears



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE 1.5


Bragging about his fully funded scholarship, he confidently wrote, " Do you go to CUNY as well?"

Apparently, this was not the best line he could come up with, but it was honest.

Did he hear back anything or not. That should appear in the next scene in the meantime, this is his time to be curious and keep on gathering as much information as he can about the person who is making him lose his sleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE 2.0

He didn't expect, but he did receive a response back. What a surprise. The response was simple and to the point. But he was glad at least his effort didn't go in vain.

He thought to himself, when his initial question worked, so why not to keep on asking more questions. Of course, he was not going to say that he likes her eyes so much and visits her picture quite often + anxiously waits for her scraps back on the wall as well.
Long story short. The initial story kept on progressing day by day. Night after night. When you are busy in work schedule and don't know much you realize all of a sudden. OMG, we are talking consistently for over a week.
And then it was two weeks, then three weeks. Until finally one day.....

Not a Conventional Story

There is a story on my mind. A real story. It has a happy start, a bumpy ride, there is a boy, there is a girl, there are negative situations.
The happy ending has not been declared yet. Because the story is still in the making. We all have our stories, our lives are full of stories. Some are myths, some are wishes and others are realities.
I want this story to be a good story. Not the one I hope in my optimism thinking that yes it will be a good happy ending story.
The question is can we really change the story of our lives. If so how? Can we really believe that telepathy is real, if so then why the optimism in stories is/or not real?

Tu Thodi Dair Aur Tehar Ja!!!

The following lyrics are dedicated are to someone who spent 8+ years of their life dreaming with me,  and about us.

Things don't change and I accept to deserve the result of fate. However, I can console myself with wishful thinking. Only if they can hear.

Dil charkhe ki ik tu dori

Dil charkhe ki ik tu dori
Sufi iska rang haaye

Ismein jo tera khwaab piroya
Ismein jo tera khwaab piroya
Neendein bani patang

Dil bharta nahi
Aankhein rajjti nahi
Dil bharta nahi
Aankhen rajjti nahi
Chaahe kitna bhi dekhti jaaun
Waqt jaaye main rok na paaun

Tu thodi der aur thehar ja sohneya
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja zaalima
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja…

Haaye din tere bin ab jee na paaye
Din tere bin ab jee na paaye
Saans na leti raat
Ishq kare tere honthon se
Ishq kare mere honthon se
Bas ik teri baat

Teri doori na sahun
Door khud se rahun
Teri doori na sahun
Door khud se rahun
Tere pehlu mein hi reh jaaun
Tu hi samjhan jo main chaahun

Tu thodi der aur thehar ja sohneya
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja zaalima
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja…

Dil minnate kare
Na tu ja na pare
Dil minnate kare
Na tu ja na pare
Tere jaane se jee na paaun

Tu thodi der aur thehar ja sohneya
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja zaalima
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja..

Tu thodi der aur thehar ja zaalima
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja.. thehar ja
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja zaalima..
Tu thodi der aur thehar ja
Tu thodi der.. bas thodi der aur thehar ja

This is only wishful thinking. Thank you for 8 years for your dedication

What you can learn in and after 8 years?

I am not a native English speaker, but I try my best to use the language for the purpose to communicate with people. However, certain sentences I could not understand when they came from a specific individual. I tried and tried, but remained in denial.

Finally, the world around me is saying. Accept all what they want you to be and what they call you to be. At the end of the day, does it define me? In those eyes yes. Thank you 8 years, you were near and dear to me. I am glad truth came out and set all of us free.  That's what they could not say in 8 years and when they said so. It went like this:


1-cheating

2-cheating

3-cheating 

4-cheating

5-cheating

6-cheating

7-cheating 

8-cheating

9-cheating 

10-cheating

11-compulsive lying

12-compulsive lying 

13-compulsive lying 

14-compulsive lying

15-compulsive lying

16-lack of consistency

17-lack of consistency

18-lack of consistency

19-lack of consistency

20-lack of consistency

21-lack of commitment 

22-lack of commitment 

23-lack of commitment 

24-lack of commitment 

25-lack of commitment 

Words are mere words if used with caution. However, when words used with emotion go deep and change you into what they call you. Such as


1- You just like that power struggle with me (Red Flag # 100)
2- I am so much in love with you but don't like a lot of your traits ( Red Flag # 524)
3- You can be the way you are but that is not my type ( Red Flag # 8 years)
4- I don't like your kind of personalities even as friends too ( Red Flag # 11)
5- You cannot get over my manager email? (Red Flag # I am  pious)

My advice to 23 years old me, " Dream about them who dream about you and then meet you in person every day. Don't dream about them who only meet you in dreams " 

They said, " I am no one in your life "

An old adage you may have read is,


" Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break me. "


I believed in the saying. However, just like everything else there are certain things

which take place in our lives for the very first time. We don't estimate the impact of these

experiences until they occur. I think words do affect and break us. Especially, when we are not

expecting someone near and dear to tell us certain words.

Not only they said, " I am no one in your life" but continued with, " Let us leave it at that"

Time is a great healer. However, when you look back in time. All you see is they are...

Lay Ja Mujhe, Saath Tere

Yesterday when I was leaving NYC, this one song kept on reverberating in my mind. While I document this, it is still on repeat in the background.

The day before all this took place. I drove 6+ hours to an island which is famous (for being so short). I was sleepless and tired but happy and fresh at the same time. I kept on driving without any concrete hope of meeting in person. Once I reached the famous island ( famous for being short). Things calm down for me

It did not take more than 5 minutes of awkwardness to realize how much of:
change, stress, excessive studying, hard work and coping mechanism can rub on a person's face.

The best of all I bursted a couple of myths and asked myself a couple of questions on this trip as well. I never thought I will make a trip like this nor thought how brain play games on me.

The trip was emotional or liberating or just a trip I don't know. However, I do attest to the following, which I never thought I will:

1. Earlier in life, I was told if you pass the age of 23 years or more studying full time without having any prescription glasses. There is no way an individual will get prescription glasses after that phase later on in life. Turns out studying consistently or too much crying can result in having prescription glasses for sure. Some people can pull off everything glasses or no glasses with their beautiful big eyes.

2. Once a stylish person, always a stylish person is a myth. Turns out one can lose their sense of style in 24 months. They say it can be as a result of becoming mature and getting out in the real world when style does not carry any more weight or losing a secret admirer :(.  Trust me, one should not lose their style.  Trust me, secret admirers always remain in secret, if that helps

3. People are always themselves no matter what is not true. It takes at least 15 minutes of conversation and catching up to be yourself when you start getting comfortable with yourself and the person you are with as well.

4. People change with time is not true. People do not change and they should not change for who they are. But often times, being yourself is confused with people becoming stubborn instead.

5. Telepathy is real or not. This is still a question I am struggling with.

6. Love covers everything or not. Two strong personalities or rather two stubborn personalities can co-exist together or not. One has to be dominant over the other and vice versa. How synchronism is attained in such a situation is still a struggling question.

7- Communicating everything is the key. Somethings are better left unsaid. We may never get an answer to the question what to say and what not to say.

8- Think through, think through, think through.... the more you think the more it can be upsetting.

They did not say anything. However, the following lyrics did convey what's going on in their mind.

Tere mere darmiyaan hai baatein ankahi
Tu wahan hai main yahan
Kyun saath hum nahin 

Faisle jo kiye
Faasle hi mile
Rahein judaa kyun ho gayi
Na tu ghalat na main sahi

Le ja mujhe saath tere
Mujhko na rehna saath mere

Le ja mujhe.. le ja mujhe..

Thodi si dooriyan hain
Thodi majburiyan hain
Lekin hai jaanta mera dil

Ho.. Ik din toh aayega
Jab tu laut aayega
Tab phir muskurayega mera dil

Sochta hoon yaheen
Baithe baithe yoonhi
Rahein juda kyun ho gayi
Na tu ghalat na main sahi

Le ja mujhe saath tere
Mujhko na rehna saath mere

Le ja mujhe.. le ja mujhe..

Yaadon se lad raha hoon
Khud se jhaghad raha hoon
Aankhon mein neend hi nahi hai

Ho.. tujhse juda hue toh
Lagta aisa hai mujhko
Duniya meri bikhar gayi hai

Dono ka tha safar
Manzilon pe aakhar
Rahein juda kyun ho gayi
Na tu ghalat na main sahi

Le ja mujhe saath tere
Mujhko na rehna saath mere
Le ja mujhe saath tere
Mujhko na rehna saath mere

Le ja mujhe.. le ja mujhe..

Sun mere Khuda bas itni si meri duaa
Lauta de humsafar mera
Jaayega kuch nahi tera
Tere hi dar pe hoon khada
Jaun toh main jaaun main kahaan
Taqdeer ko badal meri
Mujhpe hoga karam tera..

Goodbye to your feelings.....

I came to NYC for the first time in 2009. A lot has been written, said and done about this concrete jungle island. Prior to that visit, I never realized how this trip will change me and my personality later in life at the expense of various ups and downs. For all the good or bad reasons whatever may be the case. 

The person who was generous enough to show me around became much more than what I say --- all the more reasons for me to visit here in the later years.  Little did I know if I am associating the city with this personality,  or that person with the city or both. My self-taught psychology analysis could be wrong however, I associated and anchored my happiness in this city with the same person every time. 

After that first trip, I always found more reasons to come back to NYC (not as much as I could have or should have) to visit this person or just for the excuse of business as usual. I continued to associate the feelings of being on cloud nine, soft tender thoughts, happiness, and joy with this city all because of anchoring with the person 

I continued to visit this concrete jungle. Every time my association with the city and this person grew stronger and stronger. From the airport surroundings to the subways, from walking on the streets to several hours arguing together. Everything formed a strong attachment. I always knew there is someone waiting for me. 

The association did not fade away but let's just say I did not handle things ideally and that is that, not to mention the fact that out of sight equals out of mind.   

Enough said. A lot has been said and done in the recent years.

I did not realize until this week, how strong deep down this attachment and anchoring was? This week I decided to visit NYC in order to get out of my non-productive schedule, get a head start on my writing. 

To my surprise the moment I landed everything felt incomplete from the surrounding of the airports to the landmarks here. My eyes kept on searching, my heart wishing silently if only by mistake or on account of mere movement of stars a fortunate co-incident occurs so that I can get to see them at least one more time. 

The city is the same, nothing has changed except my reality. I looked for someone my mind has anchored this lively city with. 

I asked the city, 

" Why I don't feel the same way anymore?"  

She replied, 

" Good bye to your feelings, you are not the same person anymore."