Tuesday, June 12, 2018

I prefer hate than socially constructed feelings

I remember when my life was about to change a decade ago --+ the gentleman who was sent to speak on my behalf in front of the whole syndicate... defended my case even though he didn't have to.

Later on when he came out of the boardroom in our regular setting he wasn't shy to speak his mind.  He said openly in front of everyone, " I supported him against all adversary today ...because he is a long term player and he does not even know..you dont know what he is going to do. "

Then he said in native language , " Yeh lambi race ka ghora hai"

In my heart, I laughed thinking to myself why he is saying all that. He doesn't even know me.
Yes he didn't know me. But HE did know me.

I recall correctly --+  little Azar in 8th grade only knew one thing to ask in prayer before going to bed..and he continued to do so for years and years to come and things kept going on and on and on.  As I keep getting pulled in all different directions personally and professionally unexpectedly from all.directions. I ask for the same little Azar prayer to You again.

Not sure where and why the older me stopped it for real but that reverence is missing in me.
I keep my heart open now for the hate exists in my surroundings. Help me overcome it. It is better I deal with hate and pain than socially constructed niceties and outward love from the folks around me.

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